Today was a good day

Today marks the day that the pain has ended.  No longer will I have to deal with the lies and pettiness of a certain individual. So glad when 5pm came around. One down...others to go. 

Time to let go???

Not sure if the feeling is authentic, or if the authentic feeling is of what I thought you could be. Either way, I did care.  Not that it means anything. You come and go as you please.  We don't actually communicate as two individuals who are a part of one another's life. Real talk, I wasn't asking for anything more than a friend. Regardless of how I may or may not have felt, you were someone I wanted in my world as a friend. No crossing lines or making assumptions of what might happen, or could happen.You're like a ghost to me... I may see you, then I don't. I guess it's time to let go. Slowly, but surely, out of sight, out of mind.  Until you pop up again. "Friend" probably never should have been used. "Someone I met years ago" sounds/seems better. Sad...

When to let go

An old acquaintance crossed my path some months ago. In a way, we reconnected as "friends". Even went as far as to become friends on social media. But, the joy was somewhat short lived. My friend is gone. Don't know where or for how long. I've been worried since we crossed paths again. As much as I want to truly reconnect and have a real friendship, the opportunity seems to have passed. As much as I feel that maybe I should just let go, I don't want to give up on him just yet.  Maybe it's best to give him his space and the opportunity to take the lead. Here's to hoping for the best (we will be true friends) and preparing to expect the worst (it was not meant to be).

Looking Back on Things

This year has had a lot of ups and downs.  I'm going through some of the same nonsense. I know that it is my fault for allowing myself to be treated that way and not really doing anything about it.  I have noticed that something isn't right with me.  I think I made the right decision to go to counseling in the beginning of the year. At this point, I haven't been back since finishing my sessions in May.  I need to find a new counselor to help me with my issues because trying to talk it out with those that are helping to make matters worse ... it's not an option.  I can only blame myself for allowing it.  I have to share the blame with those who continue to push me closer and closer to the edge, and damn near push me over it.  I'm hoping that reconnecting with friends from before this job will help to keep me centered and sane.  Hey, I even bumped into someone I hadn't seen in nearly 10 years.  Though, I don't expect that to pan out to anything. Can you really call someone your friend when you barely speak to one another or don't even hang out?  Oh well, I can always say I knew you when.  I'm hoping 2016 will bring forth new beginnings and a new chapter to write in my life.

It has been almost a year?

I can't believe I haven't been here in almost a year. Funny... so much has happened,  and I  didn't write about it.  Let's see if I can sum it up.

I went to counseling for depression and anger management related to my job. Had a boss who just didn't do the job and allowed others to mistreat me without finding out the truth. I'm  still in the same office with some of the same malicious people. It's my fault for still being there. This, I know. The future of the job doesn't look good, and I need to find something else. Just need to start looking.

My aunt Cheryl passed away. On the day of the funeral I  almost had to go to the E.R. I saw the doctor a few days later and was told I  wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain and other parts of the body. This, coupled with the breathing issues and chest pains, brought on the panic attacks. I am getting back on track with taking the medications and monitoring my blood pressure and sugars.

Exercise is not a friend of mine. So, instead of trying to live in the gym, I put a bike on layaway. It's my Christmas present to myself.  Soon, I'll be able to go bike riding. When I have more money I will get the kit so I can ride it inside when the weather is bad.

I reconnected with an old "friend". He just happened to walk into my office. We hadn't seen each other  in anout seven or eight years. Funny thing, we haven't seen each other since. I think he was meant to be a seasonal "friend", and not someone meant to be in my life for any longer.  It makes me realize that my circle is kinda small. There aren't many people I  can actually refer to as friend and mean it.

I also reconnected with another friend. She is one of my oldesr friends. Actually someone I need to stay connected with. Sometimes you just need to get away feom some people and get a breath of fresh air.

That is all for now.  I will write more when it pops in my head.